Why Self-Compassion Trumps Self-Esteem

We are often our own harshest critics, but do we have to be? We also tend to link criticism to our lack of self-esteem. Not being pretty, successful or smart enough, viewing ourselves as imperfect or simply average. To see ourselves positively, we tend to inflate our egos and put others down so we can feel good by comparison. But this strategy comes at a price; it holds us back from reaching our full potential in life by keeping us from acknowledging our weaknesses, leading to long-term conflict within ourselves. Thus, it is high time to consider practicing self-compassion, asking ourselves what we need and offering comfort and care during times of stress, pain and difficulty.

Unlike self-esteem, which is often based on evaluating ourselves positively or comparing ourselves favourably against others, self-compassion does not require us to see ourselves as exceptional. Instead, it involves treating ourselves with the same kindness, understanding and patience that we would offer a close friend who is struggling. Self-compassion recognises that making mistakes and facing setbacks are universal human experiences.

Research has shown that self-compassion is associated with numerous psychological benefits. Individuals who practice self-compassion tend to experience lower levels of anxiety and self-criticism, are more likely to forgive themselves after failure, and cope better with rejection or social exclusion. By accepting imperfections rather than denying them, people can develop greater emotional resilience and motivation for self-improvement.

However, self-compassion is often misunderstood. It is not self-pity, self-indulgence, or making excuses for poor behaviour. Rather, it involves acknowledging difficulties without becoming overwhelmed by them while still taking responsibility for personal growth.

Self-compassion can be developed through simple practices such as speaking to ourselves more kindly, recognising that everyone experiences setbacks, and engaging in mindfulness. By replacing harsh self-judgment with understanding, we can cultivate a healthier and more balanced relationship with ourselves.

Writer: Ezanne

Published: 09/07/2026

References:

Carruth Center. (2019, February 12). Self-compassion. West Virginia University. https://carruth.wvu.edu/carruth-blog/2019/02/12/self-compassion

Michigan State University Extension. (2023). Self-compassion: An often misunderstood part of health and well-being. https://www.canr.msu.edu/news/self_compassion_an_often_misunderstood_part_of_health_and_well_being

Neff, K. (n.d.). Try self-compassion. Greater Good Science Center, University of California, Berkeley. https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/try_selfcompassion

Duke University. (n.d.). The benefits of self-compassion (study summary). https://today.duke.edu/showcase/mmedia/pdf/self_compassion_study.pdf

CPTSD Foundation. (2024, February 1). The antidote for self-criticism. https://cptsdfoundation.org/2024/02/01/the-antidote-for-self-criticism/