Relational Savouring: Revisiting Positive Memories with Loved Ones

The next time you get into an argument with a loved one and want to reconcile, yet are too angry to do so, take some time to reminisce about the better days. It is, of course, perfectly natural for us to stew in our misery and frustration, but ask yourself what comes next? Perhaps through revisiting positive memories, you could be better incentivised to offer that olive branch.

But what makes revisiting positive memories or the nostalgia that comes with it so important? In Integrative Behavioral Couples Therapy (IBCT; Jacobson & Christensen, 1996), it is stated that a therapeutic benefit is observed when a couple's developmental history and attachment basis are determined. Simply put, revisiting fond memories has numerous benefits, including increasing self-esteem, promoting a sense of personal meaning, and fostering social connectedness. Being sentimental temporarily enhances perceptions of relationship quality, thereby strengthening relationships.

Now that you have a better understanding of the effect of positive recollection, here are some methods for relational savouring. Although it may be hard to abruptly think of a long-buried memory, you could always opt to jog your memory with some cues. Some of these include looking at old photographs of your loved ones, such as ones taken together, listening to their favourite song, or even holding an old article of clothing you have saved. While focusing on retrieving these memories, it may be helpful to close your eyes and ask yourself the following question: At what time did the event happen? How were you feeling? And lastly, what could you hear, smell, taste, see, and touch?

So, the next time you’re trying to patch up and heal a strained relationship, perhaps focus on these small steps. And in time, you might even strengthen your relationship.

Writer: Annabelle

Published: 16/04/2026

References

Supercharging close connections. Supercharging close connections | School of Social Ecology. (n.d.). https://socialecology.uci.edu/news/supercharging-close-connections

Mallory, A. B., Spencer, C. M., Kimmes, J. G., & Pollitt, A. M. (2018, October). Remembering the good times: The influence of relationship nostalgia on relationship satisfaction across time. Journal of marital and family therapy. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6245572/

Evans, ―Nicholas, About the Author, Jill Suttie. (n.d.). A little nostalgia could make your relationship more loving. Greater Good. https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/a_little_nostalgia_could_make_your_relationship_more_loving

Tips to retrieve Old Memories. Harvard Health. (2021, April 1). https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/tips-to-retrieve-old-memories