Moving Forward With Grief Through Memory

Losing someone we love is one of the hardest things we’ll ever face. And one of the most important things to know is this: grief doesn’t follow a straight line. Some days feel manageable while others don’t, and that is okay.

While the intensity of bereavement eases within one to two years, waves of grief may still return, stirred by a song, a place, or a familiar scent (Health Promotion Board, 2025). These moments can occur when we least expect them and still bring heartache and tears, even after months or years have passed. These instances are nothing to be ashamed of; they are reminders of how you loved deeply, and that love still lives within you.

Memories of loved ones who have passed on often feel bittersweet because they carry both warmth and ache. What makes the difference is how we relate to these memories, which shapes the bereavement process (Pociunaite & Wolf, 2023). When we allow ourselves to sit with a memory openly, it can serve as a reminder of shared laughter and an enduring bond that helped shape who we are today. In that space, memories of our loved ones can foster reflection, meaning making, and even personal growth. 

In contrast, the same memory can feel heavy when it is filtered through guilt or regret. Thoughts like “I should have…” or “If only I had…” can turn something tender into something painful (Pociunaite & Wolf, 2023). If you notice yourself caught in those spirals, pause and take a breath. That critical voice is often grief, trying to make sense of what cannot be changed. It is not a sign that you failed to get better, but a sign that you cared deeply; that deserves compassion, not judgment.

Creating lasting memories that honor and remember our loved ones who have passed on is a valuable process that can help preserve intimacy and connection (Xu et al., 2024). We can do so in various ways:

• Keeping tangible objects such as memorial jewelry, a photo album, or a plant grown in their memory. 

• Writing a letter to them, such as “Something I never got to tell you…” or “My favourite memory of us is…”

• Sharing about them with someone you trust, be it a story, a quirk or something you miss. This can look like, “Can I tell you something I loved about them?” 

Above all, be gentle with yourself and others during the grieving process. Grief can make ordinary days feel heavier than they appear, so take it one step at a time. You are doing the best you can.

Writer: Tan Jo Yee

Published: 16/04/2026

References

Health Promotion Board. (2025, April 11). Coping with bereavement for better mental wellness. HealthHub. https://www.healthhub.sg/live-healthy/coping_with_bereavement 

Pociunaite, J., & Wolf, T. (2023). I will keep your memory! Reasons for remembering lost loved ones. Applied Cognitive Psychology, 37(6), 1397-1408. https://doi.org/10.1002/acp.4132 

Xu, D., Zhang, G., Ding, X., Ma, J., Suo, Y., Peng, Y., Zeng, J., Liu, M., Hou, R., Li, J., & Hu, F. (2024). Bereaved parents’ perceptions of memory making: a qualitative meta-synthesis. BMC Palliative Care, 23, 24. https://doi.org/10.1186/s12904-024-01339-0