Socialising stopped feeling natural and this is how I made it natural again.

Moving from school to the workplace sounded easy enough. Meet new people, find your group, settle into a routine— it didn't seem all that different. Or that’s what I thought when I stepped foot in my first company. 

The first few days felt normal. Introductions, lunch breaks, small talk—the usual. Soon though, people began asking me for favours. At first, they were quick, five-minute tasks, which I didn't mind helping. I thought that's how friendships were built. But those favours slowly grew into longer, exhausting errands sometimes even completing other people's work. The more I helped, the more they expected, and I only kept convincing myself that working harder would mean that I’d finally earn their appreciation.

Instead, my own work suffered. After my boss reprimanded me for submitting poor-quality work, I realised I couldn't keep putting everyone else first. When I finally stopped saying yes to every request, everything changed.

My ‘friends’ began distancing themselves. Rumours spread around the office, and before long, many of my colleagues avoided me altogether. It felt like every sacrifice I had made had been rewarded with nothing but disdain. I slowly withdrew into isolation, afraid that anyone I reached out to would eventually turn against me too. Socialising, something that once felt effortless, suddenly became exhausting. 

Six months later, I finally relented and gave up. I handed in my resignation letter, closed that chapter of my life, and never looked back.

Today, I’m in my second company and things couldn’t be more different. Starting over wasn't easy, but it gave me a chance to relearn how to socialise. I made mistakes, unlearned bad habits, and slowly found people who valued me for who I was. For the first time in a long while, making friends didn't feel exhausting—it felt effortless again.

Here’s how I did it.

First and foremost, choose your friends wisely. Big gangs might seem enticing at first, after all, having a large group would mean many people having your back right? Nope. Large groups, especially those tightly knitted ones, have no room for you, instead of having your back, they’re actually calculating every interaction, evaluating your character, scheming ways to take advantage of you, looking for the opportune moment to stab you in the back. Now you may think ‘but why?’ or ‘not everyone would be like that’  Well, while that may hold true to a select few, the cold, hard truth is that in a company, everyone’s only looking out for themselves, all wanting to climb the career ladder – and the best way to do that? Drag down the competition. 

For some people, that’s when they give up. Emotionally. They slowly stop reaching out, stop joining conversations and stop putting themselves out there. After all, it's just that much easier to stay quiet than to overthink every interaction and keep wondering if you'll be the next target just by having a conversation with another. 

But in reality, that’s the worst thing you could possibly do. You’re not preventing anything, you’re merely avoiding, putting the inevitable interactions off. Everyone has to interact in the workplace, it’s really just a matter of time. 

So then, if both reaching out and keeping to yourself leads to the exact same outcome, what exactly can you do? 

For starters, reach out to others like you, especially those who recently joined and are around the same age. This allows invisible communication barriers, such as generation gaps to disappear quickly. Since everyone would have this feeling of ‘being in the same boat’, you’d actually look out for each other, instead of plotting against one another, due to a sense of camaraderie. Make sure to reach out to those who may not be in your department either, networking is crucial. 

However, if you’re uncomfortable with the idea of creating the group, observe a few groups and join your preferred one, again preferably with those who are of the same age as you. You don’t necessarily have to force your way into the group– make small talk, join them for lunch, send them occasional texts, these small acts could go a long way. Integrate yourself into the group, slowly but surely. Soon enough, you’ll have a group which you know have your back. 

Last but not least, you may be wondering, what about those whom you so desperately tried to avoid? What would having a group do? Well, there’s a sort of comfort in knowing that a group of people have your back, no matter the situation – it gives one a sense of confidence, courage to step out of your comfort zone, and try to interact with those who may be similar to others who have hurt you before. Having backing also means others in other groups would treat you with respect, and you’d definitely not be taken advantage of as easily as when you were alone. Maybe, just maybe everyone could move past their differences, and work towards truly getting to know one another, despite being in different groups. After all we’re all corporate slaves– why not make working as enjoyable as possible for everyone involved? 

Sometimes, all you need to do to forge new, meaningful friendships is to take that extra step, make that small talk with that random colleague and maybe, you’d find everyday life not so mundane and dull. 

Writer: Jeanette

Published: 13/07/2026

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