Supporting Friends and Family who are Grieving

When someone experiences a significant loss, they go through an immense amount of pain that can be difficult to face alone. As bystanders, helping someone with their grief can be hard, as we often cannot fix their pain, but there are several ways we can show up for them and make a difference. 

The Impact of Grief

Grief takes a significant toll on both the mind and body. It can disrupt sleep, trigger headaches and digestive issues, and the emotional distress can even manifest as physical pain. Those who lose a spouse often also face an increased risk of clinical depression in the months after (Wu et al., 2021). This is why individuals who are grieving require additional care and support.

Why Social Support Matters

While nothing can eliminate the pain of loss, compassionate social support makes a significant difference in the grieving process (Chen, 2020). Simple gestures can provide reassurance, reduce feelings of loneliness, and encourage emotional expression, all of which are vital for healing. Research shows that those with stronger social networks also manage grief with greater resilience than those facing it alone (Peña-Vargas et al., 2021). Importantly, grief doesn’t follow a predictable timeline–many bereaved need the most support after the initial weeks, even when everyone else has returned to their normal lives or when grief does not seem to be affecting a person overtly anymore.

Effective Ways to Provide Support

• Acknowledge their loss: Rather than avoiding the topic, discussing it validates the other person's grief. Mentioning their loved one or gently asking how they’re feeling demonstrates openness and acceptance.

• Offer encouragement: Empathetic statements that acknowledge their pain while affirming their strength can be comforting. E.g., “Take your time to grieve, I know you're strong and will find your way through this.”

• Provide practical help: For many, particularly those who have lost family members, adjusting to new responsibilities at home can feel overwhelming. While the intent of general statements like “Let me know if you need anything” mean well, proactively assisting in practical matters like bringing meals or helping with chores relieves immediate burdens while showing your commitment to their wellbeing. 

Conclusion

Supporting someone through grief may feel daunting, but each small, thoughtful gesture can have a profound impact on their journey. You can't take away their pain, but your presence and support strengthen the foundation for them to begin healing. 

Written by: Moxi Looi

02/2025

References

Chen, R. (2020). Social support as a protective factor against the effect of grief reactions on depression for bereaved single older adults. Death Studies, 46(3), 756-763. https://doi.org/10.1080/07481187.2020.1774943 

Harvard Health Publishing. (2024, November 20). Ways to support someone who is grieving. https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/ways-to-support-someone-who-is-grieving 

Peña-Vargas, C., Armaiz-Peña, G., & Castro-Figueroa, E. (2021). A biopsychosocial approach to grief, depression, and the role of emotional regulation. Behavioral Sciences, 11(8), 110. https://doi.org/10.3390/bs11080110 

The Children's Hospital of Philadelphia. (n.d.). How to help when a loved one is grieving. Children's Hospital of Philadelphia. https://www.chop.edu/health-resources/how-help-when-loved-one-grieving 

Wu, E. L., LeRoy, A. S., Heijnen, C. J., & Fagundes, C. P. (2021). Inflammation and future depressive symptoms among recently bereaved spouses. Psychoneuroendocrinology, 128. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.psyneuen.2021.105206