Forgiving Yourself

Forgiveness plays a vital role in human relationships, enabling healing, restoring trust, and sustaining emotional bonds. While much of the research has focused on the benefits of forgiving others (Toussaint et al., 2015), the act of forgiving oneself is just as essential, yet often overlooked.

Why should we work on Self-Forgiveness?

A growing body of research highlights that self-forgiveness is closely tied to psychological well-being. Studies have shown that individuals who practice self-forgiveness report (Toussaint et al., 2015; Vismaya et al., 2024):

• Greater life satisfaction and perceived quality of life

• Increased emotional stability and self-esteem

• More meaningful and fulfilling social relationships

Crucially, self-forgiveness is strongly influenced by self-compassion and self-esteem (Worthington & Wade, 2020). This suggests that developing a more accepting and kind relationship with oneself can play a powerful role in supporting the ability to forgive one's past actions — a key step toward healing and personal growth.

How do we work towards Self-Forgiveness?

Self-forgiveness is not about erasing the past or excusing our mistakes. Rather, it is an intentional process of taking responsibility for our mistakes while releasing the burden of shame and self-condemnation that often prevents us from healing and moving forward.

Did you know? Guilt [the feeling that we have done something wrong] can actually support self-forgiveness by prompting reflection and accountability. In contrast, shame [feeling poorly about oneself] often blocks self-forgiveness by making us feel unworthy of it. Recognising the difference between the two is a key step in moving forward.

Drawing from the work of Griffin et al. (2018) and Holmgren (1998), here are three important steps to help cultivate self-forgiveness:

• Acknowledge wrongdoing: Begin by recognising the mistakes that you made — not as a form of punishment, but as a way of taking accountability for your actions.

• Let go of self-criticism: Release ongoing self-blame and the emotional weight of guilt. Recognise that holding a grudge against yourself not only hinders personal growth but also keeps you stuck in the past.

• Practice self-acceptance: Embrace your imperfections with kindness and compassion. Recognise that being human means making mistakes, and that you have the capacity to learn, change, and grow from them, even if it takes time.

Written by: Tan Jo Yee

10/2025

References

Griffin, B. J., Worthington Jr, E. L., Davis, D. E., Hook, J. N., & Maguen, S. (2018). Development of the self-forgiveness dual-process scale. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 65(6), 715.

Holmgren, M. R. (1998). Self-forgiveness and responsible moral agency. J. Value Inquiry, 32, 75.

Toussaint, L. L., Worthington, E. L. J., & Williams, D. R. (2015). Forgiveness and health. Springer Netherlands.

Vismaya, A., Gopi, A., Romate, J., & Rajkumar, E. (2024). Psychological interventions to promote self-forgiveness: A systematic review. BMC Psychology, 12(1), 258.

Worthington, Jr., E. L., & Wade, N. G. (2019). Handbook of Forgiveness (2nd ed.). Routledge.