Dealing with Setbacks

Setbacks are an unavoidable part of life. Whether it’s falling short on an academic goal, facing difficulties at work, or struggling with personal relationships, the reality is that everyone encounters obstacles. What separates growth from despair is not the absence of failure but how we respond to it. Learning to handle setbacks in a healthy, constructive way can turn temporary struggles into opportunities for resilience and self-discovery.

Reframe with Positive Internal Beliefs

When setbacks strike, it is easy to focus on what went wrong. Yet research shows that internal beliefs strongly influence how we cope with adversity (Kahl et al., 2020). By reminding ourselves of areas where we are effective, creative, or loved, we strengthen our self-concept and reduce feelings of helplessness. Positive internal beliefs, such as “I am capable of learning new things” or “I am valued by others”, can act as mental anchors in turbulent times (EMDR Therapy Volusia, n.d.).

Recognise What You Can Control

Not every outcome is within our control, but focusing on what is controllable helps to restore agency. For instance, while you cannot redo a past exam, you can adjust how you study for the next one. This mindset reduces rumination and shifts energy toward action rather than despair (Kahl et al., 2020).

Give Yourself Permission to Rest

Modern culture often glorifies relentless productivity, yet it is essential to recognise that it is not wrong to step back and take a break. According to research highlighted in the Harvard Business Review (Chamorro-Premuzic, 2023), failure is not only inevitable but also essential for growth, particularly when approached correctly. Allowing yourself recovery time prevents burnout and creates the mental clarity needed to try again.

Learn Intentionally Through Reflection

Every setback can be a learning opportunity if we take the time to reflect. Intentional reflection helps us move from frustration to insight. Helpful prompts include:

• What did I aim for?

• What went wrong? 

• Was the situation within my control?

• What can I improve next time?

Self-reflection, when practiced consistently, has been found to increase self-awareness, problem-solving ability, and long-term performance (Di Stefano et al., 2022).

Written by: Tan Jo Yee

01/2026

References

Chamorro-Premuzic, T. (2023, July 19). It’s ok to fail, but you have to do it right. Harvard Business Review. https://hbr.org/2023/07/its-ok-to-fail-but-you-have-to-do-it-right

Di Stefano, G., Gino, F., Pisano, G., & Staats, B. (2022, March 16). Don’t underestimate the power of self-reflection. Harvard Business Review. https://hbr.org/2022/03/dont-underestimate-the-power-of-self-reflectio

EMDR Therapy Volusia. (n.d.). Positive and negative beliefs. https://emdrtherapyvolusia.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/Beliefs_Negative_Positive.pdf

Kahl, K. G., Winter, L., Schweiger, U., Greggersen, W., & Kahl, K. G. (2020). The third wave of cognitive behavioural therapies: What is new and what is effective? Current Opinion in Psychiatry, 33(2), 145–152. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7060341/