Dealing with Self-Criticism

What's not always mean but is ALWAYS loud? Self-criticism. Give it a mic, and anxiety flows.

Self-criticism is self-condemning, while self-compassion is a reflective and kind approach to looking inward. Serving as a double-edged sword, excessive negative thoughts lead to people being extremely harsh on themselves, often leading to feelings of guilt, uselessness, and shame. However, from a different perspective, self-criticism can also help us set boundaries, connect with others, and take responsibility for ourselves.

A study involving 26 cancer participants used interviews and mindfulness writing to explore this concept. Findings showed that participants developed more thoughtful behaviours and greater awareness in managing their health, suggesting that self-criticism, when balanced, can serve not only as a trigger for self-correction, but also as a check-in, rather than a takedown.

However, when self-criticism turns into harsh inner dialogues, it can lead to self-sabotage, a vicious cycle of condemning ourselves. For example, one might start self-blaming, thinking "If only I had not play Roblox", even if it was just for an hour of relaxation. This kind of thinking often spirals into emotional distress and inaction, such as procrastination. Over time, the repeated reinforcement of negative beliefs can make us internalise them, leading us to believe we really are "as bad" as we think, creating self-fulfilling prophecies.

Here are some ways to practice self-love and deal with self-criticism:

• Focus on Changeable Behaviours: Criticise our changeable actions but not our unchangeable traits.

• Acknowledge Situational Factors, then Act: As we recognise and understand the raw toughness of situations, we can influence them to better our decisions by softening the blame and channeling it into meaningful change.

• Shift Focus to Others: Free ourselves from self-judgment and reconnect with purpose, shifting focus outwardly.

• Be Self-Compassionate: Speak to ourselves the way we would speak to a friend.

Written by: Karis Koh, Edited by: Zariel

10/2025

References

Austin, J., Drossaert, C. H. C., Sanderman, R., Schroevers, M. J., & Bohlmeijer, E. T. (2021). Experiences of Self-Criticism and Self-Compassion in People Diagnosed with Cancer: a multimethod Qualitative study. Frontiers in Psychology, 12. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2021.737725

Four ways to constructively criticize yourself. (n.d.). Greater Good. https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/four_ways_to_constructively_criticize_yourself

Overcoming Self-Criticism | Counseling Services. (2017, November 7). https://counseling.uoregon.edu/overcoming-self-criticism