1. Goals and Setbacks: How to manage self-expectations and reality?
Suffering from Imposter Syndrome?
Do you often question your level of expertise, just because you do not know one or two minor steps? Or just because you do not feel naturally intelligent and have taken longer than usual to master something, that you feel “fake” competence. Imposter syndrome is when you have persistent doubts regarding your abilities or accomplishments, and fear being called out as incompetent although that is untrue. It is often associated with perfectionism and social pressures.
Reflection: Some of these pressures can come from parents, society, and friends; if external pressure is getting to you, it is time to reflect on what you would want for yourself, versus what others expect of you. If this pressure is coming from within, practising emotional acceptance by embracing one’s failures is a first potential step.
A practical solution: Setting SMART goals
The 5 step SMART goal-setting can help us to create a well thought out plan for success in mind.
Specific: Setting unambiguous goals enables us to focus our attention on the exact task at hand.
Measurable: Tracking your progress and getting regular feedback on how you are progressing are fundamental to motivation.
Achievable: Goals need to be feasible and realistic, catering to one’s abilities.
Relevant: This makes sure that the goals you are setting are valuable to you, and not just what others may expect of you.
Time Bound: Setting a deadline is crucial in motivating us to achieve our goals.
2. Hustle Culture andGratitude: How can we be contented with the present, while striving for more?
The Problem: feeling ambitious while showing gratitude is not mutually exclusive.
Gratitude is a life orientation towards noticing and appreciating the positive in the world. It can be broken down into
1) A sense of abundance (as opposed to feelings of deprivation in relation to one’s life),
2) Simple appreciation (i.e., ability to appreciate simple pleasures),
3) Appreciation of others (i.e., able to appreciate the contribution of others to their well-being).
In fact, gratitude is associated with better focus, decision making, and resilience in learning — these things can contribute towards us achieving our goals more effectively.
How does gratitude benefit us and help us to achieve our goals?
Gratitude can improve relationships: when we are grateful towards people around us, we see them in a more positive light, and are inclined to work collaboratively with them.
Gratitude can improve performance: When we experience positive emotions like love and empathy towards someone we are grateful, we may experience improvements in cognitive functioning and decision making.
Gratitude can improve learning: those who practice gratitude regularly are found to be able to focus better and remain resilient in learning.
Gratitude can improve physical and mental health: It is linked to stronger immune systems, lower blood pressure, and improved sleep. It is also associated with reduced levels of anxiety and depression, and higher levels of happiness.
How can I learn to practise gratitude?
Gratitude Journal: this involve identifying and recording specifics blessings on a regular basis
Gratitude letter: this involve writing a letter to someone to express specific thanks.
Gratitude conversation: this involve engaging in conversation about positive events, experiences and outcomes that happen each day
3. Guilt and Rest: Changing your attitude towards rest
Why do we overwork?
People overwork as they have the urge to satisfy fundamental psychological needs, such as the desire to excel in what they do. To feel competent, they may invest an undue amount of time and mental resources in their job. This could possibly be a means to compensate if they feel that they lack competence in other aspects of their lives.
Workaholics work beyond what’s reasonably expected of them to distract themselves from various stressors that they may be experiencing in life. They typically exhibit higher levels of extroversion, conscientiousness, neurosis and are driven by accomplishments.
Pause: Did you know that Singapore has the longest working hours per week at 45, followed by China at 42. Singapore has an average annual leave of 7, amongst the lowest in the region, alongside Thailand (6) and China (5). The overworking culture here has left 73% of Singaporeans unhappy, and 62% reported feeling burnt out.
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